Insecurity

Last week, my and some friends got to talking about insecurity.  We started the conversation by talking about how we recognize that we have had experiences with people whose insecurity damaged what would have otherwise been a positive situation or relationship.  The conversation quickly turned to a reflection on our own insecurities and how they cause us to behave in a manner that is outside of the realm of what God has called us to be.

I got to thinking about how this has played out in my own life.  Throughout my life, I have struggled with insecurity in various areas, but all these areas have one common thread.  They all stem from a fear of failure and a fear of being looked down upon by others.  I want to get things right the first time.  I want to be good at everything I set my hands to.  I don’t want to be exposed as the imperfect flawed person I really am.  And the truth is as much as I may say I don’t care about what others think of me, at my core I want to be loved, valued and appreciated for who I am just like everyone else does.

In my attempts to grasp at some sense of security, I have been guilty of building false security.  What does that look like?  I picture myself building a fence.  The fence encircles a very small area of land.  This is where I stay.  What is inside the fence represents everything that is comfortable and familiar to me.  I am not challenged inside the fence.  I know exactly what I am getting into and I know that I am going to rock it.  What lies beyond the fence represents the unknown.  It is scary and unfamiliar.  I don’t know what I’m getting into and I don’t know if I will be successful in it or not.  What lies beyond the fence challenges me and requires that I put my trust in someone way bigger than me.

That’s where God comes in.  God doesn’t want me to confine myself to what lies within the borders of my fence.  Quite frankly, no matter how much I have kicked and screamed in protest, He has never allowed me to.  Anytime, I get comfortable within my space, God knocks my fence down and He draws me out a little bit further.  I’ll be honest.  I tend to build alot of fences.  The fence gets a little bit bigger each time God draws me out a step further, but God continues to knock down the fence every time.  I am so glad I serve a God that doesn’t allow me to get too comfortable and stagnant.  I am so glad that I serve a God that always leads me forward to bigger and better things.  I am so glad that with Him I can do so much more than what I could ever dream of accomplishing on my own.

In all of this, I have learned that the only sense of security I have comes from my relationship with Jesus Christ.  He is the only one that loves me without conditions and parameters.  He is the only one who has never judged His love for me based off of my performance or how well I completed the task.  He loves me regardless of whether I succeed or fail.  Even faced with my imperfections, He sees my true potential and all that He has called me to be.

Don’t be deceived into thinking that your security lies in the fences and walls that you build around yourself.  Your security is in the one whose love you can never be separated from.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:38-39)