So above all, guard the affections of your heart, for they affect all that you are. Pay attention to the welfare of your innermost being, for from there flows the wellspring of your life. (Prov. 4:23 TPT)
Have you ever wanted something so bad that you would do anything to make it work? Or have you ever wanted something to work so bad that you ignored the obvious? Ever been blinded by love? Something I learned the hard way in dating relationships is that you need to use your head and not just your heart. After having some relationships go sour, I was in a different frame of mind when I met my husband. I needed to know that we wanted the same things in life and that we were headed in the same direction. After a few weeks of talking and hanging out, I needed to let him know what my expectations were and what I wanted in a relationship. I remember having a very direct conversation letting him know how much my relationship with Jesus meant to me and how I wasn’t willing to compromise that. I let him know that I was pursuing purity in my relationships and we talked about our passion for ministry. I told him that while I was enjoying our time together, if he didn’t feel like he was pursuing the same things, it probably didn’t make sense for us to pursue a dating relationship. As it turns out, he appreciated my candidness and expressed that he valued the things I valued and that was the direction he was headed in for himself. Now our dating relationship is a marriage relationship and we continue to pursue Jesus together.
So, how do you know if you are heading in the same direction while dating?
1. You can talk about your passions and feel supported and encouraged.
Your significant other should be the person you can share your heart with. They should encourage you never to give up on your dreams and passions. If you feel like your partner isn’t interested in hearing about what your dreaming about or shuts down your passions by being critical or demeaning, it might be time to reevaluate your relationship. On the other hand, a partner that pushes you to achieve your dreams and supports you along the way is worth keeping.
2. Your partner doesn’t just say they share the same values. They show it by their actions.
Someone that shares your values doesn’t just say it. They show it. You’ll know that your partner shares the same values that you do when their actions line up with their words. Does your partner say they value purity, but constantly push your boundaries? Do they say their walk with Jesus is important to them but consistently choose to behave in ways that are spiritually unhealthy and even toxic? The right person for you won’t make you feel like you have to drag them along in your spiritual journey. They will be walking out their own faith journey. The right person will encourage you in your values and inspire you to keep growing.
3. Important people in your life think you two are a good fit.
As we go through the dating process, we need people that we can trust to speak into our relationship and we need to trust their judgment even when they tell us what we don’t want to hear. When important people in your life bring up red flags they see, it is vital that you listen and proceed with caution. Sometimes in a relationship we can be blinded by our feelings. Our friends and family are able to look at our relationship more objectively and offer important feedback and insight. Hang out in community settings and invite those who are important to you to give you wisdom and counsel.
4. Your dreams and plans complement each other. They don’t contradict each other.
As you get to know each other, you want to see if your dreams complement one another. It’s not just enough to share the same values. You also need to have goals that don’t contradict each other. For example, if your dream is to settle down and grow roots in a community, you may not be a good fit for a person whose dream it is to be a traveling missionary. If you prefer not to have kids, you wouldn’t be a good fit for someone whose dream involves having a family. Your goals should fit together naturally. It wouldn’t be fair to expect each other to change your minds or your goals.
5. You are growing together.
Lastly, if you are dating someone who is the right fit for you, you should both be growing together. You will have bad days. You will mess up. You will both make mistakes, but the overall progression of your relationship should be growth, both individually and as a couple. If you feel like your being dragged down or going backwards, that’s something to take into consideration. But when two people can learn from their mistakes, communicate positively and encourage one another to keep moving forward, beautiful things happen.
Don’t just date. Date smart. Be intentional and make sure that the person you are pursuing is already pursuing the kind of life you want to live.
No comments
Great share thanks for writing this