“I love each of you with the same love that the Father loves me. You must continually let my love nourish your hearts.” (John 15:9)
This Valentine’s Day will be different for me. This time around I’m married. I’ve found my forever person to spend every Valentine’s Day with now going forward. Praise Jesus. And while I am so excited for this new beginning, this morning I find myself reflecting on all the Valentine’s Days preceding this moment.
If I’m honest, Valentine’s Day was never a holiday I looked forward to. I enjoyed the chocolate and maybe watching some rom coms, but that was about it. In school, I watched all the other girls get teddy bears, chocolates, and flowers, and tote them around with them class after class like a badge of honor. Past school, I watched on social media as many of my friends went on special dates and read post after post about how amazing it was to be with their significant other. As a single girl, I always felt like I was watching something that I had been chosen not to be a part of. Valentine’s Day became an invitation to look at myself in the mirror and compare myself to all the other girls, who seemed to have what I so desired, but wasn’t sure I’d ever have, a loving relationship. The day shouted at me with lies of “not enough,” “not loved,” “unwanted,” “good friend but not girlfriend material,” and “not beautiful.” I became susceptible to the comparison trap, not just on Valentine’s Day, it never ended. I believed that if I could just be different, I could be loved by someone and maybe even learn to love myself.
After marriage, I have learned that I am still invited to play the comparison game. There will always be an image or an ideal I can find to measure myself against. Even with the most loving man by my side, I have learned that feeling loved is an inside job…it starts with me. My husbands voice will never be loud enough to shut out the comparisons, or the feelings of inadequacy that sometimes come up. I have learned that in order to truly enjoy my life and enjoy the blessings of God, I must first and foremost make a decision that I am going to love myself and be kind to myself. I must constantly look to the source of unending love and grace, Jesus. I must choose to focus on what makes me amazing, while I continue to work on my weaknesses. When I look in the mirror, I must choose to see beauty, instead of flaws. If I don’t love myself, every other voice of love in my life will fall flat. When I love myself, I invite others to love me, as I choose to be me and no one else. When I love myself, I invite others to love themselves too.
If I had to do it all over, I would have spent my Valentine’s Days differently. I would have chosen to recognize that love wasn’t a party I wasn’t invited to, but rather something I had with me all along. I would have chosen to celebrate that I am loved. I would have chosen to receive the love he had blessed me with from the people he had chosen for my journey, instead of lamenting the fact that I did not yet have a significant other. I would have chosen to love myself extra hard that day and to allow that love to spill out to those around me. And yes, I still would have looked forward to that day a special man would come into my life, but I would have looked forward with excitement and anticipation, knowing that God is faithful, and not questioning if I had somehow been overlooked.
Marriage is definitely a blessing. Although I thank God daily for my husband, these days I also work on intentionally loving myself. I have been allowing Jesus to break the lies off of my life and allowing His voice to reign in my mind and in my heart. This Valentine’s Day and every other day, I hear Him say, “You are loved, you are loved, you are loved.”
