As I am writing this, it is September 29. I started graduate school this month. With the start of school, many of my lofty goals have gone out the window and much of my time is spent with a highlighter and a book in my hand. Although in my academic past, I have prided myself on being able to do it all and to achieve with flying colors, I have come to the rude awakening that this time things are different. Last time, I was in school (over 8 years ago, by the way) I wasn’t a wife. I wasn’t working. I didn’t have the same set of responsibilities and priorities. I am quickly coming to the conclusion that I cannot do it all and the things I can do, I can’t do perfectly. For a recovering perfectionist, this is extremely challenging. I can’t get an A on every assignment. I can’t get all the chores done. I can’t make time for everyone. I can’t make everyone happy. But I can do enough.
I can do enough.
Because at the core of who I am, I am enough.
I’m not perfect, but I am pretty great. I’m not hitting all my goals all the time, but I am growing. The truth is I’ve never been able to reach perfection, but I used to be able to fake it better. In this season of time crunches, due dates, and being stretched extremely thin, I am being exposed more and more for who I am…human. And I’m learning to be okay with all that comes with being human. I’m learning to be okay with mistakes, flaws, things that slip through the cracks, things that don’t go as planned, human emotions of being frustrated and overwhelmed, and the accompanying tears. I’m learning to accept everything that comes along with the territory of being human and imperfect and knowing that I’m enough, even still.
For me this looks like being proud of what I have accomplished instead of chastising myself for what I haven’t accomplished yet. It means being less driven by a to do list and being more realistic with my goals. It means having more love and compassion towards myself and holding back on the negative self-talk. It means redefining what success looks like. In this season, success for me has less to do with checking off all the boxes and has more to do with enjoying what I’m doing, acknowledging that I’m doing the best I can with the time I’ve been given.
At the end of the day, no matter what gets done and what gets left over till tomorrow, I’m enough. Perfect was never an option anyway, but enough has always invited me with a soft place to land and an encouraging pat on the back. Let’s ditch perfect and learn to embrace enough. Let’s let go of the long list of “I should be this” and “I ought to do this” and embrace “I get to be me!” Because at the end of the day, you showing up as you, is more than enough and always will be.
But He answered me, “My grace is always more than enough for you, and my power finds its full expression through your weakness.” So I will celebrate my weaknesses, for when I’m weak I sense more deeply the mighty power of Christ living in me. (2 Cor. 12:9)
